SLUMDOCS

Photo Courtesy : Ahmedabad Mirror

Take a look. Aesthetically displeasing?. I know. The story hidden beneath this picture is more displeasing and alarming. No, it’s not just another terrible story of  slum dwellers whose grievances are not being heard by administrative bodies. Should we criticize Danny for making Slumdog?  Aren’t we the ones who keep providing those atrocious tales to those who wanna propagate these stereotypical outlooks?

Danny, I have a better idea for you. Now first we gave idea of Slumdogs and now we present to you our SLUMDOCS. Confused? Now there isn’t any typo in the statement above. Ya, the building(?) that you see in the picture is a hostel for resident doctors of THE B.J. Medical College commonly known as Civil Hospital. Yeah, I am talking about that very hospital which claims to be Asia’s best. This scary looking scaffold like structure houses those who are best of the lot. You need to be among first 50 to get admission in this bloody college. These guys are not getting education for free. They keep this place alive. Consultants, barring some generous few, visit only when their ‘near’ ones are admitted. It’s resident docs who take care of people, at a meager stipend of 12000 rupees. And, what do they get in return? This?

I have always that respect for doctors no matter some of them have turned out to be real devils. They are always respected. Now, as they have decided to raise their voice against this ill-treatment our vibrant government is just not ready to listen to it. On the contrary, they are threatening to impose ESMA -Essential Services Maintenance Act-. I just wanna ask, how do you justify this building? Are you short of funds? You must be kidding people, we can’t feel it when those celebrations are carried out in order to celebrate those fruitless MOUs. An already plush bungalow is renovated for an IAS officer who is gonna stay in it for hardly a year at a whopping cost of 25 lakhs. Is it the way to treat those who actually TREAT us? When Docs in other states can get much better facilities and quite better stipends, why can’t the golden land of rich Gujjus provide it? Our beloved CM claimed his victory in last election as state’s victory then I am compelled to ask that, are triumphant treated in this way?

ICC T20 WC 2009! Yeh Cup hamara hai….

Alright, Alright. I was the biggest critic of the team that had been sent to play inaugural ICC T20 WC and I prophesied the debacle. They surprisingly proved me wrong, and came back triumphant and took the team to the heights that had never been thought of. I still don’t like Dhoni but that guy has uncanny leadership skills. He follows his intuitions and 8 outta 10 times they don’t let him down. This time we are going there as favorites so more pressure is guaranteed but Captain Kakdi ,as our very own fakie calls him, doesn’t look scared or tensed with the expectations.

So far we have confirmed our berth in super 8s with pretty ease. If my calculations are correct, we are gonna be fighting for semifinal spot in the group stage against Proud Porkies, Whites with the black cloths, and fans of Akon. Our record against island dwellers hasn’t been that great and I am damn sure we are gonna win the first T20 against them. Fans of Akon are as capricious as their idol’s live performances. If Big Red Monster is in disastrous mood, he can make mockery of any bowling attack. With our bowlers like, Ir-the slow- fan and RP-the uncontrolled- Swing anything can happen. We are gonna keep intact our WC record against divided Porkies for sure. So, We are most likely to finish at the first place of our group. So, I guess It is gonna be India-Sri Lanka and New Zealand- South Africa semifinals. I hope we go through and win this one as well.

Cheers!!!!

OMG!! Before I finish this post I realized that I got it all wrong. As I said if my calculations are not wrong but provided that I totally suck at Math they were wrong. I mean A1,B2,C1,D2 were fixed from very beginning. In that case, Our blues are gonna face The greats (yeah the only country which puts an adjective in front of its name), The Akon fans and The Caps of good hopes. I guess in that case, the Caps would be very tough to beat. But eventually with the two bonus points from league stage India should qualify for semis at second spot from group E. From group F Whites with The Black Cloths and Ravans would easily qualify leaving porkies moaning. Stage is set for Champs versus Proteas finale.

Cheers again!

Disclaimer :

I am still bad at Math so don’t rely too much on this post and place your bets. This predictions can go miserably wrong.

IPL 2011 – a lil anticipation..

Down with DLF maximums and Citi moments of success? Just see, what’s in store then?

A vivacious welcome with colgate (happy!) faces to 45 days of Hawell’s (Electrifying) extravaganza called DLF Indian Premiere League 2011. What an atmosphere, what a place to be!! Ground is full with nerolacs (colors!) and earth-shattering Philips 500 MWs (sounds, u see) of the great Indian cricket fans!! It’s our Chevrolet promise that it’s gonna be raining DLF’s and citi moments of success.

Two captains are out here for toss with Pepsi toss ka boss Mr. Chintan!! Both the captains will be presented a lux cozy each as “apna luck pehn ke chalo”!! Dhoni has won the toss thanks to Lux Cozy and he has decided to bat as he thinks pitch is as flat as new LG flatron 220. On the other hand Yuvi doesn’t have much to regret about losing the toss as he thinks he also has good bowlers who are as fast as new Hero Honda Hunk “Kyunki Raftar mein hain Dum”!!!

It’s great to see Yuvi marshalling his troops with such a great close up confidence. Batsmen will need to keep clinic all clear cool head to first assess the situations. First ball and here’s our first DLF maximum!! Oh, what is SreeSanth doing on the boundary line? He seems to be giving his idea numerical autograph to his chirpy fans!! And, here’s the first citi moment of success for KXIP. And another one on the very next ball!! This is awesome, tale of two cities, here!!

Sarcasm at its best..

Again a picture speaks a million words!!

courtesy Bleed India Campaign!!

Freedom?

Should Kasab be given a Pakistani lawyer?

Why not!! I mean why fuckin not!!

I have some other things to offer as well…

Give him meal coupons for everyday at the very same Taj Hotel.

Give him all those Jannat ki hoors for whom he decided to abnegate his life!!

Give him all those Amitabh Bacchan movie DVDs which he claimed to like in one of the exclusive interviews by some freaking news channel.

Announce a bailout package for his ailing father in Pakistan and also offer him a job at very same CST. As after all he is one of our spoiled brothers only!! (courtesy : Shivraj Patil )

Give him some free return tickets to Pakistan.. I bet they will find some airlines to sponsor that. Ya, give his relatives frequent fliers points as well.. So, he can bring more of our spoiled brothers at lower rates!!

I am damn sure Samajvadi Party is seeing a star campaigner in him for elections 2014!! He can be an ideal successer of Sanjay Dutt, Abu Azmi..

I just understand what kinda trial would that be? What can be the statements from defense lawyer of Kasab..

If you can think of them, please respond through comments!!

General Elections ‘09! Dance of Democracy or Salsa of Sycophancy?

They say optimism pays off but it didn’t seem to have helped Advani and all BJP brigade. When United Progressive Alliance was formed with leadership of Sonia Gandhi and members like All India Majlis-e-Ittehadul Muslimeen everyone predicted that this government would not be able  to complete even a year. To everyone’s surprise UPA government has completed whole term. Now, time has come to ask people about their work. Time has come to accept the verdict. It is time for choosing our leaders or is it time for those sycophants to act and make maximum out of it?

Who acts at the times of election? Do we really care to know about our representatives? Do we even care to ask about their plans? Do we actually care what on earth does that idiot think about Non-conventional energy resources or Nuclear energy? Are we botherd about what does our leader think about tightening the security at coasts or even for that matter are we actually bothered about whether she/he knows full form of GDP?

No, and why the bloody hell should we? We have lot bigger issues to tackle. What religion he belongs to? What cast he belongs to? Will he be intersted in making temple where it actually needs to be? Will he be supporting subsidies to Haj Pilgrims? Will he speed up the process of hanging Afzal Guru? Will he be able to stop auctions of Gandhiji’s belongings?

We keep inspecting all those futile facts and they act the most when they are actually needed to. Top gainers of this drama are regional parties. None of the national parties has done any significant work so that they can ensure clean majority. Regional parties know that very well and they start to understand their roles as king makers very well. They start counting dollars and they spend according to the expected output. I suspect,  they must be thinking like, see, we are gonna get this amount to support this alliance so we can spend around this much money in election to remain in profit. Now take a look at this,  All India Majlis-e-Ittehadul Muslimeen , Republican Party of India (Athvale), Sikkim Democratic Front, Indian Union Muslim League. These all parties have only one MP. Now, you must be a total noob if you believe these losers had not taken a single penny to join UPA. Now, these sycophants are gonna make national parties do salsa on their underheaded and vicious ways.

Review of Taran Adarsh’s movie review of Billu Barber.

I am not gonna write movie review of Billu (barber!!) or neither I want to. I spent 3 hours in watching that piece of crap and I was absolutely infuriating at Taran Adarsh who wrote review of movie. I went to watch that movie relying on his review and thought the movie could be at least worth 30 bucks.

Some exceprts from Taran’s review on Indiafm.

“Priyadarshan is synonymous with ha-ha-thons.”

okay, are you sure Taran, were you really laughing in, Bhagambhag, Dhol, mere baap pehle aap, chup chup ke, kyonki, hulchal and yeh tera ghar ye mera ghar????????.

“The story actually takes its inspiration from the legendary friendship between Lord Krishna and Sudama”

I hope Taran, you had your own share of elimentry education and read the story properly. The Krishna-Sudama story was all about meeting of old pals. In that story, Lord Krishna starts his journey to meet Sudama, and the most wonderful moments of the story were the moments they share after meeting each-other. Here, two friends meet and the movie gets over. Thank god. The best moment of the movie.. The end!!

“In this case, the story talks of the friendship between a superstar and an ordinary mortal who runs a salon.”

Really? I thought they showed some pathetic songs and poor protagonist’s struggle to make two ends meet.

“There’s a generous dose of glamour as well, given the fact that the protagonist’s friend happens to be a superstar, but what actually works for the film is the simpleton’s story.”

Glamor? I don’t know glamour to you means actresses clad in unnecessarily skimpy outfits and SRK wearing some really sadakchhap dresses!!

“Although the film is engaging, Priyadarshan reserves the best for the finale this time, when the superstar reminisces about his childhood friend and the deep bond that they shared. The end is remarkable and is sure to strike a chord with all sections of moviegoers.”

The oscar for the most predictable end of the year goes to BILLU. Ahem ahem!

“This tale of friendship is sure to steal your heart!”

No!!! my heart is reserved for some better stealer!!

“The story takes an INTERSTING turn when Billu’s life collides with the superstar’s. And the assorted characters — right from an aspiring poet/lyricist [Rajpal Yadav], to a stingy money lender [Om Puri], to the principal of the school [Rasika Joshi] — everyone wants favours from Billu. These characters only make BILLU more interesting.”

INTEREST! Did I read interest there?  yeah this was the word I was looking for. No, not in your review, neither in dictionary but in da movie, you noob.

“SRK’s track is equally fascinating and only spices up the proceedings. In fact, Priyadarshan has amalgamated the three songs [featuring SRK with Deepika, Priyanka and Kareena] in the narrative smartly. Not once do you feel that you’re watching two stories concurrently.”

Oh my gosh! Most pathetic songs off late. Totally misplaced in the movie and this man finds them facinating. Should I tell you to get a life or will you help yourself?

“The best part of the enterprise is its climax.”

I swear most of the watchers in drive-in had started engines of their cars during this part of the movie. So can you tell me what was that?

“Pritam’s music is energetic.”

Yeah, that’s true. They really instilled me with immense energy to take a danda and push it up to his arse!! Bloody cheapo!!

“On the whole, BILLU is a sweet-n-simple film that lingers in your memory even after the show has concluded. The final 20 minutes are the highpoint of the enterprise and that elevates the status of the film to great heights. The film has the potential to grow with a strong word of mouth. Recommended… Take your family for this one!”

You f****r! How much did you get paid for writing this? Kaha Gaye aapke aadarsh, Mr. Aadarsh?

San Diego life!!

I know It was due since pretty long time. Now the writing bug has bitten me again and before it goes back to hibernation I wanna write about this.

San Diego. This city has lot to offer. Amazing weather, lined palm trees on the both sides of boulevards, plenty of beaches waiting to be explored and lots and lots of hot chicks! Yeah, this city has everything you can ask for.

Now let me go back to 16th August 2008. I was sitting in the back seat of Guli’s Toyota Prius and watching this beautiful city. For the first time, we opened the glasses of windows and I could feel that ever-flowing soothing breeze of San Diego. The weather was entirely different from highly erratic North Californian weather. We followed directions of Ms. Know-it-all aka GPS receiver’s directions towards 4981, Catoctin Drive. We reached and what I saw was a wonderful entrance of our apartment community Corinthian. Till, then I loved everything about San Diego. Now the twists have started to occur. We reached apartment # 20 and I swear that was one of the dirtiest places I had ever seen. I just don’t know what made my roomies stay in that deserted and dirty apartment. They could have surely looked for a better place. Anyways, I unloaded my luggage there and then started what I call a living hell life!!!

I started settling down in San Diego. I went to see SDSU on the same day and my all regrets went away. What a place it is! It’s surely gonna be among the list of my favorite places on earth forever. I absolutely loved it. I thought it’s worth compromising by staying in that apartment if I am getting this wonderful institute in return. We gradually moved to another apartment, which was in the same community but lot cleaner than the previous one.

Apartment life was something totally different. Those toilet cleaning sessions, those trips to Ralph’s , those cooking Khichdi or rice everyday, tea 5 times a day, those movies on Bhejafry, those g**nd me danda songs, watching those Gujju matrix and spiderman spoofs, sharing secrets while lying on the same mattress, those fights and those compromises, those innovative dishes, those *cough* breads and lot more..It was really tough but fun at the same time.

Lot more is coming soon in this section so please keep checking this space!!!

A generation awakens!

Lot have been said and written about Mumbai attacks and this post is gonna add to the kitty. 26th November. Pride of the nation had been attacked. This time those spineless creeps attacked the souls. This slap was harder than ever. As lot of people have already said for the first time I too was not feeling proud to be an Indian on that ill fated night.

3rd December. Gateway of India. At least half million people came out of their houses not just to light candles to pay tribute to the great sons of this land but to make their sacrifices count for the nation. Without any involvement of any goddamn politician, people just followed their hearts and demanded a change. Yes, Change is the new flavor baby!! AND YES, EVEN WE CAN!! This time India is all set to get a complete makeover. I was pleasantly shocked to see that enthusiasm in people of Mumbai.

I was a little bit upset as we didn’t have anything like that. But today, I saw first a bunch of young teens coming with candles and tricolors in their hands. First, I thought some college kids were having fun. But with the time that little group became crowd and I could really see that admiration and intent for our nation. When they gathered in front of AMA and started singing our national anthem, I too joined them, I could feel something on my right chick and before I could understand anything I realized it was a drop of tear. It was really heartening to see nation’s youth gathering for a cause without any political motivation. I must say beware all, India is coming and we are not gonna be considered among third world countries for long.

This time we are gonna bring the change and YES WE CAN!!! Enough of those “convicts will not be spared” promises. Enough of freaking blame games. Enough of fucking oldies who have nothing left in their lives. We want change. We need leaders who can take this country to new heights. We need us. I mean it’s us, who are needed to come out to challenge the world. We are very much here and have whatever it takes to fight all the challenges. We will kick your stinking asses if you fuckin dare to look at our country with any bad intentions.

Let’s lead, teach, clean and improve INDIA!

Decisions are never right or wrong! They have to be proved either ways!

So, now it’s done. I guess I am being so impulsive. I have kinda made the decision. I am going back to India. My home. My country. I have submitted my petition for complete withdrawal. University grad department is reviewing it. There are very slim chances that they may reject the petition. I am not sure my decision is right or wrong. All I know is, I am absolutey committed to prove it right.

Lot of things to write. I am getting bored, I will write laterz..